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Hi.

Welcome to my site!  Here I document my journey to becoming beautifully anchored amidst the obstacles that life has to offer. Hope you enjoy!

(Im)perfect

I had someone share with me recently that it looks like my life is perfect; that because I post pictures of my my family and my love story, it looks like I never have challenges; that I've never questioned my relationship with God.  I was surprised to hear this statement and quickly began thinking through my many imperfections.  If you think anyone's life is perfect, just ask him/her and I bet they will have a long list of reasons of why his/her life is not perfect. 

Honestly, a lot of the times I focus on the imperfections of my life.  I have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and along with this disease comes a lot of struggles.  I am often tired, my weight fluctuates constantly, and because of this I have had to change my diet.  I have become the "gluten-free, dairy-free" person that I never wanted to be.  I had an emergency hysterectomy at 23.  I joke about how I am really a 45 year old in a 26 year old body.  I am not able to have any more kids, my hormones are weird, and I get to look forward to being menopausal by 35.  I am a Christian.  With being a Christian comes lots of hardships and the need for humility and faith.  I have doubted God, I have yelled at God, and I have not trusted God.  I cried last night not understanding what God has planned. 

Sometimes, I feel we search for the bad in others so that we feel better about ourselves. I know I've done it.   Human nature is competitive.  We compare ourselves and our lives to those around us and we find ways that we are "better."  We feed off of the negativity that is around us.  We turn on our TV's and pull up the homepage for the internet and all we see is bad news.  We tune into our own lives and a lot of the time we see the bad.  We see the things we wish we could change, the things we wish we had, the things that would make our lives "better."

I am nowhere near perfect but as much as I want to be, I'm glad that I'm not.  So many amazing things have come out of the imperfections of my life and I know so many more will.  Without my imperfections, I wouldn't see my need for God and my life would feel empty.  Without my imperfections, I wouldn't have a husband who's had to learn to love me unconditionally.  Without my imperfections, I wouldn't have the bond I have now with my daughter and I wouldn't have the child that we will one day adopt.  Without my imperfections I wouldn't have needed Grief Recovery and become a Grief Recovery Specialist myself. 

It can be hard for me at times to embrace my imperfections, but sometimes it feels even harder to share the "perfections." But the truth is, even though there are things in my life that are imperfect, there are also great things!  Just because we have imperfections does not mean that those should be all we ever focus on, all we ever talk about.  I love that we are able to not only relate to each other's hardships and be there for one another through the bad times, but we can also rejoice in the good times.  I love when I see my friends who have gone through rough patches come out of them victorious.  I love hearing about the good things happening to those around me and the things they are grateful for. 

Whenever someone asks, "what are five things you don't like about yourself?" It is SO easy for me to come up with the five answers and then some.  But when I'm asked "what are five things you like about yourself?" it takes me a lot longer to come up with the answers.  It's hard to first think through what I like, and second to think about how it will come across to others that I like that about myself!  It's kind of silly that it is easier to talk about the things I don't like about myself versus the things I do and it's sad that I worry more about what people will think about the good versus the bad.

It is both the bad and the good that make my life (im)perfect.  Don't be afraid to share the hardest parts of your life, but don't be afraid to also share the good.  So to the person who said it looks like my life is perfect, my life is perfect.  It is perfectly imperfect and I hope yours is too.

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